What if?
by Darkness's Angel
Summary: A mother and daughter sat at a table discreetly. Both lost in their own thoughts. One thinking of what the future may hold, the other of the horrid past that never left her alone. Both sat there and wondered the same question: What if?


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What if?

Summary: A mother and daughter sat at a table discreetly. Both lost in their own thoughts. One thinking of what the future may hold, the other of the horrid past that never left her alone. Both sat there and wondered the same question: What if?

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

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"Why does it hurt so much?"

Her question lingers in the air, expecting some logical explanation for it. That's how her mother always was. The logical one, the brain, the one that had an answer for everything. Lily glanced up at her mother's aging face. She remembers what she looked like when she smiled, and when she laughed.

She isn't now though. She is silent for a moment, and Lily notices a faraway look in her mother's eye. Lily sighed, bringing the cup of warm tea to her lips, sipping it softly. This wasn't the first occasion she had seen her mother like this, with that far off look in her eye.

The first time Lily remembered seeing it, was when she was five years old. She was running wildly in the backyard, her red hair tussled in the wind, and her brown eyes sparkling. Her mother was watching her, a smile upon her face. Then her father came out and put an arm around her mother. That's when it changed.

Her mother looked away from her, and to her father. Lily remembered her mother running a hand through her father's fiery red hair. That same faraway look in her eyes. Lily didn't understand it then, and in some ways she doesn't understand it now.

Her parents were two-thirds of the Golden Trio, the ones who helped defeat Voldemort. The other third had died in the battle, taking that sadistic bastard with him. She never knew her Uncle Harry, just heard about how great he was, mostly from her father though, never from her mother. Her father used to say it was because it hurt her mother to think about their long departed best friend, yet Lily could clearly see it wasn't just that, at least not completely.

Her parents had given her everything she could ever want. From a happy home life to a materialistic object she wanted, like, a new broomstick. They never spoiled her though, and she grew to become a very smart woman. She even fell in love.

His name was Bryan. He had the dreamy, straight, blonde hair, the type you'd want to run your fingers through, and steely, ice blue eyes. He was charming and smart, every girls dream, and her nightmare. He was the reason why she was visiting her mother that day. Lily needed guidance, and help. She needed to understand why things didn't work out, but most importantly why it hurt so badly.

"Why does it hurt so much?" she asked again. Subconsciously she knew it was a stupid question, but she didn't like the answer that came to mind whenever she asked herself it, so she asked her mother.

"It hurts because you realize he's gone, and there's no going back. It hurts because it was something you were so sure was going to last, but it didn't. It hurts because what he was to you, and what you thought he could be was dashed within a few seconds, and all it took was a few words, or actions. You don't want it to end because you feel like you are giving up, and you know that some part of you will always love him, and that makes you want to scream and cry at the same time. You don't want to care anymore and you don't want him to matter, but he does. You hear your heart pleading to be with him, and you silently wonder if that irritable begging will ever go away. You don't want to remember anything he has ever done, or anything involving him, but those are your favorite memories. It hurts because he was and is everything you have become or will become. He invades your every thought and every dream, plaguing you until you become withdrawn and wish to die. But it hurts the most because you wish it to be over, you know part of it is over, and you make yourself believe that it's over, only to figure out that it isn't, and it never will be, because he's your first love, and first loves never die," came the answer to Lily's answer, startling her out of her own thoughts.

Lily gazed at her mother in a different way, and saw how the emotion in her eyes flickered as she had spoken those words. Two tears slid down her mother's face, yet she didn't even seem aware of them until Lily brushed them away for her.

"Do you ever get over it?" Lily asked suddenly.

Hermione faced her daughter, and gave her a forlorn smile. "Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't, and you spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if things had been different," she answered, "But you are young yet, Lily dear, and you have a lifetime ahead of you."

Lily smiled softly in regard to her mother's words. Then thought silently for a second. "You weren't talking about Dad when you said that, were you."

It was more of a statement then a question, and Hermione turned away from her daughter's knowing glance, and was once again lost in her lifetime of memories.

Lily watched her mother, and knew she would only get silence as an answer. Though, she excepted that, and did not think badly of her mother for the information she had shared with her, without speaking. Lily knew her mother loved her father, as she always had, and this new information didn't change anything. All it did was give her the answers to some unanswered questions.

Lily glanced out the window and wondered many things. What if she'd be like her mother, bittersweet and reminiscent, or what if she was like her Aunt Ginny, blissfully happy. What if Bryan was really the one for her. What if this was supposed to happen? So many thoughts ran through her head that day.

A mother and daughter sat at a table discreetly. Both lost in their own thoughts. One thinking of what the future may hold, the other of the horrid past that never left her alone. Both sat there and wondered the same question: What if?

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Author's Note - Light night ramblings end result. Hope you enjoyed it. Please review and let me know what you all thought.


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